Friday, May 1, 2020

Quarantine Reflections... How I Vow to Do Better Next Time




I was at the grocery store the other day... 

Wearing my headwrap which doubled as a face mask, I wove through the aisles, loading up on anything I might want... ever... in the history of ever.  Because (as I told myself every time I went to the store since COVID19) this was going to be the last time I shopped for groceries again in a while.

Among other items in my shopping cart, I had a small bag of key-limes.  What a lovely and versatile fruit the key lime is.  I could make a pie, whip up a zesty marinade, or even use the peel for a twist the next time I wanted a refreshing drink.

As I approached the cashier, minding my six-foot distancing, I loaded all my treasured goods on the conveyer.  After the person ahead of me checked out I moved forward to my designated spot, well behind the clear poly barrier that would shield my masked-face from the masked-face of my cashier.  He was a young boy, perhaps in his very early 20s.  I gave him an exaggerated smile since I wondered if he could actually discern that I was smiling behind my absurd mask.  I think he smiled back, but I couldn't be sure.

He asked me a question... "Hzerhe ghoer, ghoews vd"

"What's that?" I asked.

"Hzerhe ghoer, ghoews vd," I gave him a puzzled look before he removed his mask with blue-gloved hands.  "Did you find everything you need?"

"Yes, thank you," I replied, trying my best to express gratitude that he was willing to show up to work during this time of crisis.  My silly half-hidden smile could hardly have conveyed that message.  I didn't want to come across as a crazy mom who feels the need to always encourage young people in any way I can, but truth-be-damned I am that crazy mom.

He scanned all my items, even the glorious unicorn that was a 12-pack of Cottonelle toilet paper.  Then he got to the bag of key-limes.  They wouldn't scan.  He tried repeatedly to key them in before looking a bit frustrated.  The woman behind me was growing impatient. Clearly ignoring the six-foot spacing guidelines she leaned forward and started to complain. I thought I'd throw the boy a life-line.

"That's OK, I don't think I really need them anyway."

"You sure?" he asked, looking more than a little relieved.

"Yeah, I can live without them," that woman was making me uncomfortable.

He pushed the key limes aside, but there they were... right in my line of vision.  I kept thinking about those lovely limes and how I may live to regret passing on them later.  I watched him scan a number of other items before I back-pedaled.

"I'm so sorry," I said "but I think I might really want those after all.

"No worries he said," as he pushed the call button.  But no-one came to offer their assistance, and eventually, he reached the end of my shopping items.  That's about the time the lady behind me got really belligerent.

"He doesn't know what he's doing.  He can't even figure out how to ring up a bag of limes," she spat (possibly quite literally, as she was not wearing any sort of face-covering). 

I thought about sending the woman a cold stare but decided instead to offer up the biggest, most encouraging smile ever to the boy behind the register.  I would not stoop to her level.  Finally, a manager came to the rescue and attempted to scan my beloved limes.  The woman behind me made some very loud and rude comments just to make sure the manager realized how very incompetent she believed our cashier to be.  But then, as fate would have it, the manager also had trouble getting the limes to scan and she was unable to key them in either.  I breathed a small sigh of relief, somehow believing the obnoxious shopper would now realize it wasn't the boy's fault and back off.... I was wrong.  That woman continued to mock and jeer as the manager left to get a different bag of limes.

I couldn't take it any longer.  "Maybe you can finish this transaction and I can just take the limes to customer service when your manager gets back," I offered to the boy behind the register.

"If you don't mind, that might be a good idea," he said, looking to be equal parts embarrassed and relieved.

"Well at least someone's got a brain around here," the woman in line said.

Again, I refused to stoop to her level.  I thanked the boy and then stood at the nearby customer service counter as the manager brought me a new bag of limes.  She and I had a brief exchange as she rang me up.  Then as I was leaving with all my goods I passed the register where the boy had just finished ringing up the woman who had been behind me in line.  She loudly commented that at least someone was competent enough to do their job, and then grumbled about how she always seemed to pick the slowest lines.  I again smiled at the boy and thanked him for his help, offering a meek goodbye.

It wasn't until I was loading my groceries in my car that I was struck with a revelation.  That boy couldn't say a thing.  It was his job to treat every customer with respect, even if those very same customers did not extend the same courtesy.  The manager was in the same boat.  I and all the other customers in that line were truly the only people in a position to call that woman out.  And I let that boy down.  I let myself down that day too; I would like to believe I'm better than that.  I didn't need to start a brawl or wage some sort of war to do the right thing.  But when one person doesn't play nice, the gloves most certainly could (and in this case should) come off.

I regret now that I believed saying anything would put me on the same level as that woman.  I regret that my "revelation" came to me well after any opportunity to speak up had come and gone.  If I had it to do over again, I would have given that woman a piece of my mind.  And believe me, she had it coming.

So note to self... and perhaps (hopefully) a bit of inspiration to all those out there who may someday encounter a similar situation.  Bullies will continue to bully as long as no-one speaks up.  In retrospect, I realize my silence may have been perceived by her (no matter how misguided) as agreement.  I hope I never have to witness something like that again.  But if I do, I intend to do my part to rein in the negative talk by calling the bully(s) out.  It's too late to step in and make things right for the boy who was my cashier that day, but maybe in some small way, this post will remind me and inspire others to do things differently.

So there you have it.  A little pep-talk and hopefully a bit of inspiration for us all to do better next time.


Multi-Award-Winning Author & Illustrator DeeDee Fox
DeeDeeFox.com

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